The writing of a book brings up so much. The release and launch of a first book brings up even more! Yet,there is still immense joy in my heart, it is a deep joy even though I shall express my momentary grief and feelings of sadness now. Tears of relief, tears of grief, they intertwine as I purge my soul upon the floor of my bedroom. In the midst of a morning Sadhana that I know I must do with breath of fire in tow, my heart is expanding and my heart is also letting go of a great deal of grief. I feel the suffering of others around me near and far. I’m in the midst of my own (thought inflicted) suffering right now. The ache of my family’s heart is foremost in my mind. You see… we just had a family meeting. Yet I am fully aware that we are growing and expanding to our next level in consciousness. We are dying of old perceptions and beliefs we have held about each other for years. Frickin false judgments of how we perceive our siblings to be. If we “ain’t” seeing them through the eyes of love… we “ain’t” seeing rightly!
God bless my family, God bless each of our hearts. I ask that peace, love, clarity, knowingness, forgiveness fill us up from the inside out. Thank you beloved Lord for hearing my prayers and for bringing comfort and healing to my family and to the hearts of all of your children upon this earth. Amen.
I am four days out from my first book launch ever and I find myself in a place I have never been before. For one, I am deeply desiring (longing) for the physical presence of my beloved mother and this brings on the tears even more. Mom, where are you? I hear in my head, “right here baby.” I tell her I’m scared, “I don’t know about all this putting myself out there, doing God’s work, this book writing thing.” I hear in my mind, “What else are you going to do? For this reason you were born, and of course for so many other reasons. Keep moving. Let the tears come.” And boy… did they come. The next thing I’m hearing is to write about it, blog it and post it. Well… at least at this point, I’m no longer on the floor crying, but willing to sit, listen and type what I hear. Sheeze… Growth! I guess Sadhana looks like this this morning. I can’t do the rest of my sadhana anyway because I need my nose in order to do “breath of fire!” (Which is stopped up from all the crying).
The journey of my manifested dream…. I had no idea the level of purging that would surface and take place, the level of work involved with publishing a book. There were points in this journey where I questioned and doubted myself. I got to a point where I had to tell that ego monkey mind to shut up! I am doing this! Throughout 2014, I was working on an entirely different book but I was not getting very far. I was resistant, scared, whatever and it just did not flow out of me. I was waiting on the flow. Then in late November, I heard to stop the other book and start an Affirmation Book. “It will be easier for you.” I began writing the book and as I was more than halfway done, I asked, my Higher Self, “What is the name of this book?” And, without a moment of hesitation, I barely got the question out and the title was in my head, quick and immediate. “Elevating Thought, Affirmations for Pregnancy & Birth.” I loved the title the moment I heard it.
Today feels like deep release. I have so much to do (or I think so in my mind). The journey of my manifested dream has brought me face to face with myself in a new way. I see that I am determined and surrendered. I see that I can have a simultaneous awareness about myself and what I am feeling in any moment. Even now, I can feel myself calming down inside. I do believe this writing is helping me tap the source of my own inner strength. I’m grateful for this. The fear and panic is leaving. Whew, I was caught up there for a moment.
The journey of my manifested dream… brings me to the full and humbled acknowledgment of every person upon the planet that has ever written a book, an article, a poem, a story, a script or anything that became published. Jesus! I will never ever look at another book again and just see how pretty it is, how big or small it is. When I walk in a book store now or go on Amazon or any social media outlet where one can purchase a book, I now know there is more inside those pages then the story being told. There is blood, guts, tears, all kinds of healing and the letting go of the sh*t that we readers never ever see! That author put her/his heart and soul into it and now they are putting it out for the world to see it, read it. Whaaaat?! I acknowledge all the writers out there, all creators of the multitude of art forms and anything that must go public, especially, those doing it for the very first time! Thank you for leading the way and creating an opening for us newbies to come through.
The journey of my manifested dream… required me to reach out and ask for help. It required me to receive support when I didn’t even “think” I needed it. It required me to market myself, put myself out there (uh.. yikes) and keep moving. It requires me to let go of what I thought others would think about my book. It requires me to not create a story, in my own head, when someone does not have a comment about my book. It required me to listen to a dear friend, Rev. Diana be insistent upon me asking for those I know to write “Book Forwards” for me. My beloved minister, Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, Founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center did just that. I asked, and he said, yes, just like that. Thank you Rev, I deeply appreciate you doing so. Thank you Rev. Diana… for pushing me forward (“Git Yo —-“).
The journey of my manifested dream… brings me to a point of loving and acceptance of myself and those around me like never before. The journey of my manifested dream(s) has caused me to let go of self-persecution, unworthiness and self-judgment. I could not manifest my dreams if I have these thought forms running through my subconsciousness unaddressed. The journey of my manifested dream has required me to acknowledge my greatness, step out on faith and to ascend.
(And by the way, just as I was in the midst of my writing and all teary-eyed, my client text me these words and sent me these beautiful photos. I helped her with both of her beautiful light beings. Both of their births were such an honor and joy!)
“So excited to have a copy of your book!! I plan to give copies to all of my pregnant friends. It’s beautiful!! Congratulations on getting it published. Much Love and Light to you Angela!!”
Heidi, Long Beach, CA